Moan for me like Helen Keller
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
