So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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