I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
