i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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