just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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