pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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