I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
