I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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