I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
