You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
