I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
