ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
