Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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