he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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