guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
