That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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