You just made me feel so damn special
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
