In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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