i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
