I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
