So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
