my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
