Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
