I wish I could teleport
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
