Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
