shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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