sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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