she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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