Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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