so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so let's talk penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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