Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
