so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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