He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
