she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
