I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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