she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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