Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize