I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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