Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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