Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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