Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
