he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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