Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
