well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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