Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
