Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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