i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
