and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
