How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
