she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Text me some of your sweat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
