i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
