But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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