I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
