if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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