if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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