that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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