tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
