you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
