Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
