My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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