you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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