Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
