so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
